2.16.97

i have pretended
to see what is not mine
to feel you through my eyes
i have risen
to heights only i could climb
i have fallen
to depths only i could drown
i have pretended
to fight the lies
to protect my own deceit
i have many times lost
and felt betrayed by what i did not possess
this is me
this is not what i can be
you locked me in your room
you opened me behind closed doors
beside you i laid naked
before you i stood weak
i thought i could make it real
fill the missing holes
but i was wrong
he was always distantly right
and i fought kicking and screaming
now i am starting to see
what my heart would not let me feel
i robbed myself
and filled me with looks i wanted to believe
with words not meant for me
tomorrow will come again
the pain will surface through
but i will see
only what you wanted me to